A Step in the Dark: Faith and Decision-Making

As a young adult, I have lots of decisions to make... Lots of important decisions, such as where to go to school, what to study, what kind of guys I should date (not that I date much), whether or not I should serve a church mission, etc. etc. Sometimes, I've been intimidated by the thought that the choices I'm making now will have a great impact on the rest of my life, and the lives of my future family. I would wonder, "How am I supposed to make all these decisions when I'm so inexperienced?" I remember one day sitting in a large auditorium with lots of other young adults at a Church Education devotional that was being broadcast all over the world. I don't remember who was speaking, but I remember them talking about faith. I will note that this was the semester I was taking a philosophy class, and we had been learning about all the different theories of how people come, or never come to know things. The speaker at this devotional made an analogy that has stayed with me -- or maybe it came to mind while he was speaking. It seemed like I always knew it, but at that time, it had particular meaning to me. Faith is not knowing. It is not knowing the future. It is not knowing a certain outcome of our decisions. It is taking a step into the dark. It is taking a step into the dark, and then finding that the light follows you. If I stayed in the little pool of light that surrounds me without moving, for fear of taking a wrong turn, I would get nowhere. If I move forward, seeking guidance from my Heavenly Father, He will give me light with each step, showing me if it's the best way to go or not.

 James 2:17
17 Even so ^afaith, if it hath not ^bworks, is dead, being alone.

In English: Faith -> action ->
knowledge -> Rejoice! ->
more faith, etc. -> Salvation
through the Atonement of
Christ.

Alma 32:21 (The entire chapter is a beautiful analogy about how faith leads to knowledge and eternal life.)

 21 And now as I said concerning faith—^afaith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye ^bhope for things which are ^cnot seen, which are true.

 41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with ^apatience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree ^bspringing up unto everlasting life.

(There's a little Spanish thrown in here: Faith and action, hope.
 This was done while I was in training for my mission.)

Ether 12:6

6 And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that ^afaith is things which are ^bhoped for and^cnot seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no ^dwitness until after the ^etrial of your faith.


In my experience the past few years, I've found that to be true. I was trying to decide where to go to school after graduating high school. I applied to several. Then I thought Snow College looked like a good choice. I went to audition for a music scholarship, praying that if it was the right place to go, I would feel good about it. I did feel good about it. It wasn't a lightning bolt from the sky or an angel telling me to go there. So, I attended for two years, and up to that point in my life, those were the best two years in my life. I majored in music, which I later changed. I at least had direction, and the things I learned then have enhanced my learning in my new major. I made many close friends and was blessed with good leaders and teachers. It was a challenge, especially the semester I took 18 credits and learned an emotionally-draining violin concerto, but I was happy. I was close to the Manti, UT Temple, where I could go to serve and be spiritually strengthened and uplifted.

Then came the time to decide where to go to finish my Bachelor's Degree. After a lot of agonizing and praying over it, I realized I had to make a decision on my own before I received an answer. Doctrine and Covenants 9:8

 8 But, behold, I say unto you, that you must ^astudy it out in your ^bmind; then you must ^cask me if it be right...

Heavenly Father wants me to grow and learn from making decisions. I weighed my options and decided on Brigham Young University Idaho (BYU-I). I prayed about it, and didn't receive a different direction, so that's where I transferred to. I ended up changing my major to Humanities, and was glad to have chosen a school where a religious perspective can be incorporated freely into all kinds of subjects, tying it all together into an eternal perspective.

By then, I had reached the age where young women of the LDS faith could serve missions. (That age has been lowered since.) I always had it in the back of my mind that I would serve. When it came to it, I was pretty nervous about the idea, though I wanted to share the blessings I have from the Gospel. I asked and asked if it was the thing I should be doing at that point in my life. I had gotten pretty comfortable with school, and felt kind of like I had hit a plateau in my progression. I wanted to do something more. One day, I read a scripture: Doctrine and Covenants 58:26-28

 26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is ^acompelled in all things, the same is a ^bslothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

 27 Verily I say, men should be ^aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

 28 For the power is in them, wherein they are ^aagents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their ^breward.

So, I knew then that I didn't have to wait to be forced or told with lightning-bolt certainty before I did a good thing in serving a mission and helping to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was a challenge for me, being a shy person, but I felt my Savior strengthening me with love and courage that I never would have gained in such a short time had I not served a mission. I do not regret that decision. Those 18 months were a pivotal point of my life that is forever changed for the better, and I hope that other lives have changed for the better because of it. I know Heavenly Father inspired me to serve, but he let me make the choice to serve.

Now, I've been back home for seven months, trying to keep learning and get back into school. I still have a need to grow. I will for the rest of my life. I will always have decisions to make, but I know that I can move forward with confidence. I want to marry in the Temple and raise a family in the Gospel. I know it will be a great challenge -- even greater than my mission -- but I know that the Lord will be by our sides. I know He loves me. I hope that you, dear reader, feel His love for you, too.

Belief vs. Being Compelled to Know (See Alma 32)